25 Sept., 2020

I’m getting to the point that I’m going to run out of clonazepam and zolpidem before the prescriptions are renewable. I was not worried at first, because bad bouts like this rarely last more than two weeks, but this nonsense has been going on a month. I went to my doctor and fessed up. The doctor asked me if I’d ever taken amitriptyline before, so I said yes, and it made me sleep like a cat, but I also gained weight on it, so I was switched to desipramine. He is currently looking up the options.

18 Sept, 2020

There’s a sickness that goes with sleeping three hours a night, a week at a time. It’s nausea, or actual vomiting, diarrhea, abdominal pain; headaches that border on migraines. Your joints ache; your muscles are tight, especially through the shoulders; your vision is blurry. Sometimes you see double. Food tastes odd. Your hands shake. Sometimes your whole body shivers. You drop things, you trip over things. Periodically, your heart races with no apparent provocation.

If you told me for a fact I would never sleep more than three hours a night for the rest of my life, I would kill myself, and it would be a perfectly rational decision.